The Power of Self-Worth: Step 2 in Becoming #SkintoSoulBeautifulBy Neva K. Read
Published: October 20, 2017
This is the second in a series of articles by Neva K Read — author, skincare entrepreneur and founder of the #skintotsoulbeauty movement — in which she discusses the importance of every woman treasuring and rocking her own self-value and worth.
The Power of Self-Worth: Step 2 in Becoming #SkintoSoulBeautiful
You’re no accident. You’re not the product of chance and circumstance. You are present here on earth because your very being is required to enrich the lives of anyone and everyone you come in contact with — from your family, to your children, to friends, neighbors, colleagues, strangers in the street and even people in need living on the far side of the planet.
Understanding that you are worthy and deserving almost instantly lifts your soul and gives a sense of meaning and joy that nothing else can. By recognizing your self-worth, you’ll find that you can accept yourself and your flaws, lumps, bumps and all. You’ll cease to seek validation and worth from others and from material things. You’ll stop any and all self-sabotage, and you’ll seek to uplift and empower others — the very essence of your purpose here on earth.
So how do you find your self-worth?
Start at the beginning — with your Soul Creator.
Pastor Carl Lentz says it beautifully when he describes the power of the soul: “Your soul can transcend any situation if you give back control to the one who created it.”
No matter what religion or faith background you come from, or even if you don’t believe in a God or a higher power, it’s important to seek the peace that can only come from understanding that you were created for a purpose and that your worth comes from the very fact that you are alive for a reason — to enrich the lives, the reality and the experiences of our shared humanity.
Face your fears and anxieties.
Just as I was writing my book, I stumbled across two very raw Facebook posts from two friends. Both are women, and both detailed the pain they’ve been experiencing with anxiety and depression. One of them even thanked the community for checking in on her, confessing that if they hadn’t, she would have ended her life to escape the pain inside her.
There are countless other women I know who face crippling anxiety and panic attacks, and they’re barely coping. My heart breaks for them all.
One thing I have to say is this: I too went through years of anxiety. I dealt with constant fear in my life. My stomach would always be in knots from real and perceived fears. Fear of failure, fear of missing out, fear of the future and — the most upsetting — fear of the unknown. It wasn’t until I figured out that no matter how much I fretted, I was never going to be in control that I finally surrendered. And not just to anything, but to my faith in myself and in God.
By surrendering, I found a peace that was absolutely life-changing. By believing that although the world around me could be shattering, I would always be loved and protected, I could finally let go of all the fear and angst and relinquish control.
It may sound barmy, perhaps even a little crazy, but honey if your way is not working, why not give this a try?
Know that the media, the drive for perfection, narcissism, fame, and image, and even social media can steal, kill and destroy your joy, your destiny, and your hope. Don’t be fooled.
So please, my lovely one, dare to wake up and deal with your anxiety. Rise up and take back your peace and joy, and reach out for qualified help if you need it. Don’t let the fear that so grips so many of us hold you back from the destiny that is rightfully yours.
Ditch the negative self-talk.
There’s always a little voice in your head saying, “You’re not good enough,” “You don’t deserve to be at peace,” “You’re unworthy,” “You mean nothing to anyone,” “You’re dumb,” and so on. But nothing could be further from the truth.
Research shows that as a survival instinct, our brains evolved to react much more strongly to negative experiences than positive ones. Heck, it kept our ancestors on their toes, looking out for marauding beasts and hidden enemies in the harsh environments they lived in.
This mental lean toward the worst-case scenario is called the negativity bias. It was useful in the past, but today, when encounters with beasts and enemies are less likely, the negativity bias is just plain annoying. It’s inevitable, but it can be overcome.
You’ve probably heard the phrase “train of thought,” but many of us don’t realize that, like a train, our thoughts take us where we let them. We have to capture every little negative thought and retrain it to what we know to be true about ourselves — that we were made for a purpose, that we are significant, that we are loved.
Here’s how I overcome my negative self-dialogue on a daily basis: I replace the negative thoughts as soon as I sense them coming along. I replace them with affirmations about myself, and over time I’ve found that the negative thoughts have decreased and the positive ones have increased.
Wherever you draw inspiration from those words of affirmation, claim them for yourself and watch how your life will begin to turn around.
Discover your strengths.
Remember the concept of negativity bias? It also comes into play when we analyze our strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately, human nature has wired us to pull ourselves down. This is why we tend to focus on our weaknesses instead of our strengths.
In the same vein as overcoming negative self-talk, take time to list your strengths, whether they’re ones that you already know about yourself or ones that friends and family have told you about.
I encourage you to go so far as to invite a few trusted friends over for coffee and ask them what they think your strengths are. Keep a record of what they say and revisit your strengths list frequently, as it will help you form a healthy view of your self-identity and will in time be instrumental in unleashing your purpose and passion.
Embrace your uniqueness.
Take time to write down the things you love about yourself. What are your hopes and dreams? What makes you laugh? What makes you cry? What inspires you? What makes you different and amazing?
Remember this: there is no one else on the planet like you and there never will be. Your unique qualities are what set you apart, and you need to embrace these and ensure that you respect yourself for them as well as expecting (not demanding) respect from others.
Accept that you’re not perfect and no one expects you to be. As we’ve discussed before, no one is perfect. Your lumps, bumps, mind, soul and unique self is what makes you intriguing and exciting to others. So simply love yourself — flaws and all.
Accept that not everyone will love or even like you.
In a world where acceptance and worth are measured by the number of likes, clicks, and followers, it’s very easy to get despondent if you don’t get the feedback you hoped for. The internet has also exposed us to trolls and online bullying, and many of us have been harmed by the hate and shade spewed on our social pages.
However, the more you can believe that everyone doesn’t have to like you and that trolls and online bullies are scared, weak cowards, the less you need to feel bad or be ashamed of yourself. You can’t please everyone, nor should you. Reject the feeling of failure if someone rejects, disapproves of or disses you. Stand strong instead, because they’re clearly not meant to be in your life.
Set your personal self-worth goals.
In order to set yourself up for #skintosoulbeauty success, you’ll need to set realistic goals so you can map your self-worth progress and achievement over time.
Here are some of the goals you could choose to set:
- Spend quality time with me each day.
- Capture negative self-talk and replace it with the positive aspects of myself.
- Be generous and gracious with my words.
- Surround me with nourishing friends.
- Create and maintain a self-esteem support network.
Make sure your goals are specific, measurable, achievable and realistic. Later on, I’ll give you a few keys to a life plan and a specific list of daily goals that you can apply to keep you on the path to your destiny.
Seek a mentor.
Finally, one way to keep reinforcing the positive changes you’re making in your life is to have someone you’re accountable to who can ensure you’re staying on the path to self-love and self-worth.
Pick someone you love, trust and admire. Share with them your #skintosoulbeauty journey and ask them to help you set your goals and then measure your progress. Then rinse and repeat until you get into your #skintosoulbeauty flow.
Be sure to keep reading this series to discover more about becoming truly #skintosoulbeautiful. Neva’s next post will discuss the importance of being content in retaining your beauty.
Neva K Read’s best-selling guide to true beauty, #SkintoSoulBeauty Unleashed, is now available on Amazon. For more on the #skintosoulbeauty movement, visit skintosoul.co and @skintosoulbeauty on Instagram.
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- The Power of Self-Worth: Step 2 in Becoming #SkintoSoulBeautiful - October 20, 2017
- A Beauty Expert On How To Uncover Your True Skin to Soul Beauty - October 12, 2017
- The Beauty Reality Gram - March 2, 2017